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  He’d wanted to hold this back for a while, spend more time getting her ready, but the moment he’d sucked her clit between his lips, she’d exploded, coming hard and loud so he’d continued to lick until she’d calmed.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, kissing the seam between her leg and her body.

  “For what?” she asked, her voice lazy. When she had an orgasm, she went all loose and compliant. He wanted to laugh at that, at the idea of keeping her out of his hair and obeying his commands when they were out in the field by feeding her a steady diet of orgasms. Far more fun than having to scare her or drug her.

  “I’d planned to take more time with that.”

  She made a dismissive sound. “You never have to apologize for making me have an orgasm. From now on, you can assume that I do want one, yes.”

  She’d grown comfortable enough to joke with him far more often. At first she’d been so wide-eyed and serious, but then he began to realize she had a quick and lively sense of humor beneath the cool exterior he’d first seen her wear. She teased his own humor to the surface. Made him happy.

  She stretched, and he watched, liking the play in her muscles, the way her breasts heaved up as she arched her back. “Now, I think it’s my turn.”

  “Greedy. You just had your turn.”

  She got to her knees and pushed him back to the bed. Straddling him again, she kissed down his neck and licked over each nipple. He groaned, arching into her mouth.

  “I meant, my turn to love you with my mouth. It’s obviously not eating you, or maybe it is. What is it called?”

  He laughed. “Doesn’t matter what it’s called, only that it’s done. You can suck my cock, blow me, go down on me, give me oral pleasure or love with me your mouth. I have no preference for what you call it.”

  “Well, you’ll have to help me here.”

  “You haven’t peeked at the scullery maid sucking off a guard or some such?” He teased, but truth be told, he found her voyeuristic tendencies quite sexy.

  She blushed. “I still need some guidance.”

  “I knew it. What a naughty girl you are, Carina. Did you make yourself come right as you watched?” His voice lowered as his skin tingled at the thought.

  “Sometimes,” she whispered. “But it never felt like what you do to me. Your mouth on me; your hands are not the same as mine. It feels so much better when you touch me.”

  How she’d managed to keep alive in that family with such honesty, he wasn’t sure.

  She scooted down his body, leaning down over his cock. Her breath slid across the head. “What do you like?” She grasped him, angling him to take him into her mouth. “Licking?” She licked around the crown and over the slit. “You taste very good. I’d wondered what you’d taste like.”

  “All just fine.” Really fine. For what seemed like an entire lifetime, he held himself in check, letting her explore him, learn what he liked and didn’t. Her enthusiasm was far more erotic than any perceived expertise would have been.

  Effective, too. He put his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back gently, but she didn’t seem to want to go.

  “Any longer, and I’m going to come in your mouth. Normally I wouldn’t be bringing this up as a reason to stop, but right now I need to fuck you.”

  She pulled back, her eyes widening for a brief moment.

  “From behind.”

  She nodded eagerly.

  “I want you on your hands and knees.” He settled behind her. Gods, what a sight. Nothing he could have done in life should have merited this woman here, now in this bed with him.

  Being there with him behind her was so erotic she felt faint because of it. Her pussy ached, her lips tingled from licking and sucking on him for as long as she had. She knew she was totally exposed to him this way and imagined what it must look like from his perspective.

  “Put your hands there on the headboard.”

  She complied, stretching back to try to make contact with him. One hand held her hip, stilling her movement, while the other reached between her thighs, fingertips sliding through her pussy and up to her clit.

  She whimpered, wanting more.

  He gave her more. More of what he wanted first, to shoot her into climax again, and as her body still trembled, he began to press into her with the fat, blunt head of his cock. Her fingers tightened on the headboard as he continued to push into her. Shivers ran up and down her body as she parted for him, slid around him as every part he touched within her sent shock waves of sensation through her.

  And then he began the inexorable thrust and retreat, building up rhythm as she received his body. His hands were all over her skin, caressing, kneading, teasing her nipples into aching points, a butterfly of a touch over her clit. He controlled everything: the speed, how deep he got, how hard he thrust. He played her body, excited her senses until there was nothing but them, nothing but him over her, building her up until she felt as if she would explode from it.

  He was not holding back, not this time. He fucked her hard and fast, keeping her wet and open to him as she danced on the edge of orgasm, his fingers giving just the right amount of pressure to entice and not oversensitize.

  When she broke apart, his gasp against her shoulder and the hard, last dig into her pussy told her he’d joined her.

  “Wow.”

  He pulled out carefully and left the bed, coming back shortly with a wet cloth for her to clean up with.

  “Did I hurt you?” his question was quiet there in the dark. She heard the concern there, the worry that he’d frightened her with the raw way he’d taken her.

  Carina snuggled up to him, pulling the blankets atop where they lay. “That was amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it. You didn’t hurt me at all, Daniel. You gave me pleasure.” And made her feel safe, cherished, worth something.

  He didn’t speak again as they slid into sleep, and for once, she didn’t dream of disappearing.

  Chapter 11

  Daniel eased his way through the streets of a town some distance from the place where Carina slept deeply and safely. Andrei had shown up as deep of night broke toward early morning. They’d exchanged a nod, Andrei gave him an address and Daniel slipped into the darkness.

  There it was. The night still lived as he crept up three flights of stairs and into the flat at the end of the hall. The place was a mess, but not so bad he couldn’t find what he needed to. A dermal patch the size of his fingernail would do the trick. Those who knew the man, who hated him in secret or in public, would shake their heads and murmur about what a shame it was to be struck down so young by a random heart ailment no one knew he’d had. And then they’d go about their business, and no one would remember the dead in a week.

  Daniel would remember the dead. His operative, a woman named Leal who did her job with honor and skill, had been here to clear the way for him and Carina. She’d trusted this piece of trash who’d been her source on previous occasions, and then he’d turned on her, selling her out and getting her tortured and killed by Imperial soldiers.

  He could not turn back time and bring her back. But he could be sure that source never killed another soul. Daniel had been responsible for Leal. She’d done her job and had died because of that. That the person who did that to her still lived was not something Daniel was prepared to suffer.

  On his way back to Carina, Daniel had worked to slough off the darkness, to put it away deep inside himself. She was something far too precious to taint with that. He couldn’t always shield her from what he did, but he would when he could.

  The sun had begun to rise, and when he opened the door, the warmth hit him first, welcoming him back, and then he scented kava and something so delicious his mouth watered.

  Carina looked up from the table where she chatted animatedly to Andrei when he entered the main room.

  “We were wondering when you’d return.” She smiled, narrowing her eyes momentarily, but refrained from asking more. Though, if he knew her, she’d already tried getting her a
nswer through Andrei and failed.

  “Now sounds good.” He hung his coat and hat on a peg, left his boots in the entry.

  “Hmpf. Come and sit then. I’ve baked some biscuits and made some sausages. Andrei brought eggs, too.” She smiled in Andrei’s direction, and he waved it away.

  “You’re the one who made them. My part was easy.”

  “I’ll be back shortly. I just need to clean up.” He slipped past them, nodding once at Andrei. He wanted to go to her, gather her up and kiss her, keep her against his body until he remembered all of himself again. Instead, he kept moving. He needed to wash up first, needed to cleanse the death from his skin before he touched her.

  Bent over the basin, splashing water on his face, he wasn’t surprised to hear the door open and close. Her scent would have given her away even if he hadn’t felt her presence before he smelled her and that night-blooming floral scent she bore.

  “You weren’t in bed when I woke up,” she said quietly, handing him a cloth to dry his face and neck when he straightened. “I thought you’d left me.”

  Without meaning to, he pulled her to him, hugging her. “I had some business to attend to. I wouldn’t leave you. Andrei was here the whole time I was gone.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she said into his chest.

  He held her away so he could see her face. “Do you think so little of me?”

  She shook her head. “It’s me, I think.”

  He shook her once because she was being ridiculous but ruined his hard edge by kissing her soundly. “You? What would your problem be then? Too beautiful? Too sexy? Please do inform me so that I may run in fear.”

  Her mouth screwed into a smile. “You’re a cad.”

  “That I am. But I’m not the man who’d fuck you and abandon you.”

  She nodded. “Right. So . . . beautiful, huh?”

  He groaned. “Go get my breakfast ready, woman! I need to change my clothes.”

  “So, when we settle in Ravena, will you return home like this a lot?”

  He couldn’t control his flinch of surprise, not that she seemed shaken by it. “I don’t know what will happen when I get you back safely.”

  “Daniel, if you think you can make me love you and then wander away to keep getting your clothes bloody and sleep alone, or worse, with women who don’t care about you, you’re quite mistaken.”

  “Carina, you don’t love me. You don’t know me.”

  “Don’t insult me. I do know you. I have seen you pushed to your very limit. I have seen you at your worst and your best. I may not have known you since we were children, but don’t try to deny that I know you.” She put her hand over his heart. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

  “This situation is extraordinary. Most people, most couples don’t have this sort of meeting. You’re just caught up in the excitement and drama of it.”

  She straightened and gave him an imperious glare. There was the Carina Fardelle he’d met first. So strong, regal, sexy and pissed-off, too. “Now you’re insulting me again. Once more, and I will kick your ball sac up into your throat. How dare you tell me what I feel, like I’m a youngling not out of tights? You have no right. I know what I feel. I may have been a virgin, but I’m not a simpleton. You think I don’t know my own emotions? Can you stand there and say that to my face? After what we’ve shared? Think again, Daniel. I’m here to stay. Get used to it.” She kissed his chin and left the room with a flounce.

  He sighed, leaning back against the basin, scrubbing his hands over his face. Love? Gods, what a surprise she was. If someone had told him that he’d end up telling cargo his last name, sharing personal details and a bed with her, he’d have called them a liar.

  But her scent clung to his skin; the feel of her flesh against him still lay on his memories. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept the full night with a woman he’d had sex with. He itched for her, cared about her, wanted her, but there was a long way between that and something permanent when they returned to the Center.

  The Center and the reality of their different ranks. Though she wasn’t a citizen of the Federation, there was no doubt in Daniel’s mind they’d offer her that, and she’d be treated as Ranked. Though many Houses had begun to rethink their policies and rules about marriage to unranked people, the perception remained, the expectation remained that Ranked married Ranked. She’d have to deal with that on top of losing her family, and he had no right to expect such a thing from her.

  He was quite sure he didn’t merit such a sacrifice when he turned to see she’d left him a clean sweater near the door.

  As Daniel finished cleaning up, Carina wrinkled her nose as she scrubbed at the stain on Daniel’s shirt. “Andrei?”

  “If this is about Daniel’s favorite color, I don’t know.”

  “Is it a requirement of you spy types to have this sort of humor?”

  He sighed, and the scent of his cigarette rose on the air, sharp and spicy.

  “Who are we without laughter?” His voice was quiet and filled with an emotion she couldn’t name, and she knew he wouldn’t tell her.

  “Does he have someone? Back in Ravena?” she burst out, frustrated.

  “I have you, Carina. Which is more than enough for any man to manage even without half the Imperium on our tail.” Daniel came into the room, brushing past her, pausing when he saw what she was doing. “Your hands are going to be chapped. The soap is harsh.” He took the shirt and rinsed her hands, drying them and leaving her confused again. One minute he was pretending she was just another woman, and the next he did this sort of thing. Were all men this way? Was it standard issue along with a penis?

  Did that mean she was his woman? For then? For the next while? Forever? Did it mean he didn’t have a woman, but he was sleeping with her? What did it mean?

  He laughed. “I have no idea how you managed to keep from getting killed. I can see everything you feel on your face.”

  But she didn’t join him. “If I wanted to wear a mask with you, you’d never know anything but what I wanted you to. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I wanted to live that way. I had to live that way or end up being gone one day with no warning. I am an expert at lying, an expert at being whatever I need to be to keep alive.”

  Andrei got up, took his mug of coffee and left the room.

  “I made a vow to myself as we made the first trip to the portal. I do myself the honor of feeling and having emotions, and when those people around me deserve it, I will share that with them.”

  “I apologize,” he said, bowing over her hands.

  She exhaled, charmed by him again.

  “I accept your contrition. You charm me, Daniel Haws. You catch me off guard, and it occurs to me that you know about as much about romantic relationships as I do. Though, more about sex, which I do appreciate.”

  A grin took his lips briefly.

  “Is that what we have? A romantic relationship? Am I your woman? Why are you flinching, for the gods’ sake! You act as if being with me is so terrible, but you’re not acting that way when you’re having sex with me, or drying my hands.”

  “Carina, slow down. You’re right, I don’t have much experience with romantic relationships. I don’t have them at all. And being with you isn’t terrible, even though you do talk far more than I’d prefer sometimes.”

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  He drew his thumb over her knuckle. “I am. But I told you when I came into the room, I have you. What that means tomorrow, I don’t know. We have a lot to deal with just now, and you don’t know me.” He put a finger against her lips. “I mean you don’t know me as a person, the little things that create friendship and a relationship. The more you learn, the more your feelings may change.”

  “Still doesn’t explain why you flinched like I’d hit you or something. Not that you don’t need a good smack, you smart-arse.”

  “Gods, you’re violent. I flinched because people don’t talk like this. Women don’t just
blurt out a demand to know what they mean to the man. It isn’t done.”

  She tossed her hands up in the air with a snarl. “Who says? That’s just stupid. Why shouldn’t it be done, I ask you? The woman is supposed to stand around looking pretty and waiting for the male to tell her what he feels? She can’t say it first? Who made these rules? I’d risk a significant stack of credits, of which I have none, to say a man made them up and they suit him just fine. You listen here, Daniel Haws, I love you. I know you don’t think I know what love is or that I don’t really love you, that it’s just the sex talking. But I know what I feel, and I’m not afraid to say it.”

  He opened his mouth only to close it again. She just scrubbed blood from his clothes, knew it was a product of his job and yet, with her, he was different. He was gentle and caring, it was like a secret she carried. She liked it even as she thought him utterly dim for not just admitting the inevitable.

  She snorted. “Don’t. You don’t have to speak. You’ll only ruin it with some gruff man saying about me being young or something. This way, I get the last word, and you know I’m right.” She tiptoed up and kissed his chin. “I also think you should let your beard grow a bit. I like facial hair on men. Go sit. The food will get cold, and we should bulk up. Andrei says we’ll most likely leave today.”

  She turned to make him a plate, grinning that he seemed as confused as she was, only she was better at hiding it. Ha!

  “You can come back in here now, Andrei,” Daniel called out. Sometime later, Andrei strolled in and got another mug of kava before having another plate of food. She may have detected amusement in his eyes, but she couldn’t say for sure.

  “I checked the routes out of the city. We should be able to keep to these back roads and arrive in three standard hours. They can take us two portal slips. That puts us back on Philos.” Andrei smoked calmly, even as Carina’s heart pounded. There were moments she nearly forgot they were in such dire circumstances, and then reality came smashing in again.